Yes, its been a while since I have posted. I am sure the few readers I had have now given up on me. Well, I will write this post anyway. As I sit here on the couch this Saturday morning, I was inspired by “Man vs. Wild.” If you have never seen this show, it’s definitely worth checking out. It makes me thankful for modern technology and civilization.

This guy, Bear Gryllis, is amazing, or crazy, not sure which one yet. He gets dropped off in some far off, uninhabited place and shows the world how he can survive anywhere. In this episode, he is in Iceland. Yes, Iceland! Jut him and a perhaps even crazier camera crew. I have already seen him find a dead sheep, cut away some meat and fat… and take one of its eyes… and cook the meat and eye in some boiling volcano water and eat it. He saved the fat to make a fire later in the show.

I think the best part is when he finds some random plant and tells us that “90% on this is extremely toxic and poisionous, but if you eat this tiny part here, its delicious,” and then he eats it! How does he know so much about nautre, and, not that I am wishing anything bad on him, but he has to know of the crocodile hunter… eventually his luck is gonna run out and he might just eat a part of the 90%.

So whats up with this camera crew? I mean, he is a survivalist, but are they. When he is all talking about how scarce food is, what are they eating? Do they have their own food to eat? A caterer following them around w/ cheeseburgers, steaks and potatoes? That has to up set him seeing his camera crew eating a nice medium well NY strip while he is eating a cold sheep eyeball. He was just trapped in a cave in total darkness, and he was still being recorded. So was there a guy in there with him lost too? Well, at least if he goes, he wont be alone. Ok, that was wrong… I apologize.

Now a show called “The Alaska Experiment” just came on. I guess it like a “Man vs. Wild” for regular people. Now they are CRAZY. ALASKA?!? Its cold, there are bears and little food. Do they not know they are living in the bear’s home? And they are BIG and FAST and STRONG. All that means you don’t stand a chance. Ah well… I will continue to enjoy life in the suburbs… lol. Maybe one day I will go camping… lol.

Its time for another post. So, shall I talk about Obama’s win in Iowa and then surprising defeat in New Hampshire? Shall I talk about how Tom Cruise is believed to be the second most powerful person in the Church of Scientology and the rumor that he had his wife Katie Holmes impregnated with the late L. Ron Hubbard’s (founder of scientology) sperm? Shall I talk about how insanely expensive wedding photographers are and how we may have found the needle in the haystack? Lets just see where my mind wanders…

Ninja Warrior. If you have never seen it, you have to check it out. It comes on G4 (a gaming network… I *heart* FiOS) and is so ridiculous its great. Its a Japanese (i think) pseudo-game show.. similar to American Gladiators. Its running, jumping, climbing, and best of all, people falling in a huge mud puddle. It is dubbed into English, and while I am not completely convinced it is the actual dialogue, it is still pretty entertaining. It makes me want to go to Japan just to compete. I could be a ninja warrior, right?

American Gladiators… its back, and almost as good as I remember. It hasn’t tarnished my memory of it, so thats good. And now that I am old enough to compete… it made me seriously think about it for a minute. But I know deep down I would be trying to substitute it for Ninja Warrior… and thats just not fair to either show. Now I said “almost” as good as I remember…  thats because Hulk Hogan’s blond weave somewhat detracts from the appeal of the show. Its kinda difficult to take him seriously now when he has fluorescent strands of nylon hanging from his bandanna. Sorry Hulk, but my memory of you has been tarnished. I am a Hulkamaniac no more.

Hmm… so if the New Hampshire really is a foreshadowing of the Presidential race, and Clinton gets the Democratic nomination, could Obama run as her running mate? It would make history. First female president… first black person in the White House. Is America ready for that yet? While I would like to think the masses are open minded enough to look past race and gender and select the best candidates for the job, I am somewhat skeptical. Time will tell. Well, I guess its time for me to really start looking at ALL of the candidates so I can make an informed decision when the time comes.

One last thing. Salad Spritzers? Really? So they want us to spray on salad dressing now? “Only one calorie per spray.” Do you know how many sprays it will take to properly coat a salad? Well, at least you will know exactly how many calories it is… “23, 24, 25, …” How about practicing some self control and using less salad dressing. Or how about trying that thing… um… exercise. Then you can spray until your hearts content… or your salad is drowning in its own dressing, whichever comes first. Geez… what’s next? diet butter?

During some of my days off, I just relaxed and watched TV. In other words, I was lazy. During these lazy days, I started noticing all the commercials that came on. No, I was not tempted to call in the next 60 seconds so they could double my order and make one payment for me, but I did notice that they all shared the same basic formula. That formula usually involved an overly excited spokesperson claiming their product can do wonderful and amazing things. “Don’t be fooled by cheap imitations.”

Billy Mays. Who is this guy? He is all over the place… I believe he started with Oxy Clean and Orange Glow. Little did I know he was the spokesperson for like 50% of all the commercials in existence. He had a commercial for “Mighty Putty”. evidently this is the nest thing since sliced bread. Its some nondescript gray putty in a green tube of some sort. When you knead the gray putty and green tube together, you “activate” the putty to become the most powerful expoxy in the universe. You can make it do anything… you can fill holes and dents in a wall, sand and paint; you can fill nicks and dings in wood furniture, sand and paint; you can make shape it to create a new handle for a broken mug (sand and paint, lol); its even water tight. It will create a water tight bond instantly. I am pretty sure you could build a bomb shelter out of this stuff if you had enough. And whats even better is they will TRIPLE you order for free! You better go order some right now!

Billy also marketed the Samurai Shark, a super knife sharpener. Its the reason sliced bread was so great… until Mighty Putty. It will sharpen any knife you have to a razor sharp edge. No more dull knives in you kitchen. Steak knives, pairing knives, serrated knives, ginsu knives, even that knife you use ob bread… all amazingly sharp. Butter does not stand a chance now. It will even work for scissors. Nothing better than scissors that can cut through bone. I wonder if it will make you knives sharp enough to cut through Might Putty…

Good ole Billy… he wants to make sure you are covered. In case you get tired of losing fingers using the wonderfully sharp knives thanks to you Samurai Shark, you can get the Vidallia Slice Wizard. It will magically slice anything you need sliced. no more uneven tomato slices. You can have perfect cucumber slices for your salad. I will slice anything… apples, oranges, bananas, ice, even Mighty Putty… maybe. And if that is not enough, you can change out the attachments for more ways to slice. You can instantly turn potatoes into french fries. McDonald’s, you days are numbered. But wait, there’s more… if you order not, they will include a caddy to neatly store all you magic slicing attachments. You may just have to order two of these wonderments of technology.

Ok, enough of Billy… I found something he didn’t sell. They are Kiniko Foot Pads. You have to visit the site and view the commercial. I will wait… Ok, yes, its gross. Evidently we are all trees or something. Either that or their customers need to wash their feet better. Looking at all the toxins we have in our body, its a wonder we are able to survive. It will even remove cellulite. That amazing… especially since cellulite is not a toxin, but the way skin appears as an effect of fat related to the structure of the skin or something like that. I am not in the medical profession, so look it up. Anyway, I am pretty sure cellulite can not be removed through your feet. My guess is that the foot pads can not do anything a wash cloth and soap can’t do. These people probably feel better because they are clean. But hey, if you still feel the need to try them, they will send you foot pads for life. Can’t argue with that.

Zero Smoke. Magic magnets that you put on your ear that will help you quit smoking, I think. They say you are supposed to continue smoking as usual. You wear these magnets for 2-4 hours a day, and they release chemicals in your brain that mimic the effects of smoking. You will gradually lose the urge to stop smoking because the magnets are your nicotine. Whatever.

I don’t have the energy to discuss the other commercials I saw… commercials for exercise programs, diet suppliments, they are overwhelming. Well if you have read this far, I guess you found my rant somewhat interesting… you must have a sad, sad life… lol. Just kidding… kinda.

Hey everybody, guess who’s back! I know, I have been slacking on my posts beyond belief… Anyway, to the point. I was watching Oprah (yes Oprah, my fiancee TiVo’s ALL of them) and “America’s Favorite Dad” was the guest today. I have to admit, he spoke at my college graduation several years ago, and I was a bit disappointed. Back then he was talking about the same stuff he is talking about now… the state of Black America. Now I agree, its an important topic, but c’mon… its supposed to be a happy day. We accomplished something. I thought the speaker was supposed to be inspirational… it wasn’t. It was just depressing. I left stressed. I felt robbed of my joy that day.

Well, contrary to what the above may allude to, I have since gotten over that… kinda. But the truth is, he had a point… and still does. He co-authored a book that I think may be worth reading, Come On People. It reinforces his wake-up call, which I believe is quite necessary.

Ok, I know, I suck… but I have been sidetracked by the BET awards… here is what is going on in my mind:

I think I just saw Jesse Jackson on the BET Hip Hop awards… I had to be his kid… hopefully one he claims. He cant deny that one… he looked like he had on a Jesse mask.

Whats with all the swole rappers? I mean really.. what are they on? I think Balco is supplying them with the clear. Timbaland and Dr. Dre from teh MTV awards… Busta Rhymes and David Banner from the BET awards. Its like an army of Suge Knights. Even ex-rappers are getting big… Will Smith is not the same Fresh Prince. LL Cool J, the original get swole rapper, has now been downgraded to average. I guess if they can continue to get bigger as they get older, there is hope for me yet.

Ok, two of the Jena 6 are on, this should be good… I think they shoul dhave given them teleprompter lessons…. and one dude’s shirt was crazy tight. Lol. But for real, they did a good job. Expecially considering all they have been through.

Kanye is am ass… funny, but quite concieted… lol. I hope his acceptance speech is on YouTube. You need to look it up.

Uh oh… Soulja Boy is about to come on… gotta go so I can do the dance…

Yes, I have been absent from blogging for like two months and this is the best I can come up with. Funny thing is, I was in the gym, and her cleavage was all over CNN… well, not literally of course. It’s sad that this is what makes news these days. Not that I am saying that she will win (I have not decided on who I plan to back yet), but if she does, I am sure it will not be on the merits of her chest.

I guess its all about entertaining people instead of informing people on the news stations these days. If you think about, its true… one of Larry King’s most popular interviews in recent history was with Paris Hilton. We get blow by blows of Lindsay Lohan’s life, and everyone’s opinion of Michael Vick. What about what really matters?I have no clue what Hillary was talking about when she was reportedly revealing all because everyone is just reporting on how low cut her blouse was. In all honesty, it wasn’t that low. Sure, she wasn’t wearing a shirt buttoned to the top and a neck tie like the men, but that’s because she is not a man! Its not like she looked like she was about to hit the club. Trust me, images of her are not about to replace the millions of gigs of porn out there on the world wide web… nor will it replace that smut magazine under your 13 year old neighbor’s mattress.

I guess until they decide to report on something news worthy, I will just continue to watch high speed chases involving old men trying to save their cats and Filipino inmates perform choreographed dance routines set to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.” Someone save us.

Criss Angel is the devil. David Blaine, yes, he is the devil too. I am not sure who freaks me out more. Thats really all I have to say cause I refuse to talk about the devil on my blog. I just thought I’d share.

Remember, the devil is a fallen Angel… coincidence? I think not.