I wanna do my taxes, but I don’t wanna pay the full amount for filing, so I have been searching for sites that offer discounts. It seems there are not many places that have the current discounts listed, so I figured I’d start one. Check back as I will update this as I find new site… well, until I file, anyway… then you are on your own. Oh, these are places that you do not have to be a member, you only have to assess TurboTax from their site. You my also want to check financial institutions, insurance companies, etc you do business with as they may offer additional customer benefits. Enjoy!

Fidelity - 25%

Navy Federal - 20%

USAA - 25%

Wachovia - 30%

Also, if you are a State Farm customer, you can file your taxes for free. Kinda wish I had them now… ah well. Geico offers 35% for H&R Block.

Its time for another post. So, shall I talk about Obama’s win in Iowa and then surprising defeat in New Hampshire? Shall I talk about how Tom Cruise is believed to be the second most powerful person in the Church of Scientology and the rumor that he had his wife Katie Holmes impregnated with the late L. Ron Hubbard’s (founder of scientology) sperm? Shall I talk about how insanely expensive wedding photographers are and how we may have found the needle in the haystack? Lets just see where my mind wanders…

Ninja Warrior. If you have never seen it, you have to check it out. It comes on G4 (a gaming network… I *heart* FiOS) and is so ridiculous its great. Its a Japanese (i think) pseudo-game show.. similar to American Gladiators. Its running, jumping, climbing, and best of all, people falling in a huge mud puddle. It is dubbed into English, and while I am not completely convinced it is the actual dialogue, it is still pretty entertaining. It makes me want to go to Japan just to compete. I could be a ninja warrior, right?

American Gladiators… its back, and almost as good as I remember. It hasn’t tarnished my memory of it, so thats good. And now that I am old enough to compete… it made me seriously think about it for a minute. But I know deep down I would be trying to substitute it for Ninja Warrior… and thats just not fair to either show. Now I said “almost” as good as I remember…  thats because Hulk Hogan’s blond weave somewhat detracts from the appeal of the show. Its kinda difficult to take him seriously now when he has fluorescent strands of nylon hanging from his bandanna. Sorry Hulk, but my memory of you has been tarnished. I am a Hulkamaniac no more.

Hmm… so if the New Hampshire really is a foreshadowing of the Presidential race, and Clinton gets the Democratic nomination, could Obama run as her running mate? It would make history. First female president… first black person in the White House. Is America ready for that yet? While I would like to think the masses are open minded enough to look past race and gender and select the best candidates for the job, I am somewhat skeptical. Time will tell. Well, I guess its time for me to really start looking at ALL of the candidates so I can make an informed decision when the time comes.

One last thing. Salad Spritzers? Really? So they want us to spray on salad dressing now? “Only one calorie per spray.” Do you know how many sprays it will take to properly coat a salad? Well, at least you will know exactly how many calories it is… “23, 24, 25, …” How about practicing some self control and using less salad dressing. Or how about trying that thing… um… exercise. Then you can spray until your hearts content… or your salad is drowning in its own dressing, whichever comes first. Geez… what’s next? diet butter?

During some of my days off, I just relaxed and watched TV. In other words, I was lazy. During these lazy days, I started noticing all the commercials that came on. No, I was not tempted to call in the next 60 seconds so they could double my order and make one payment for me, but I did notice that they all shared the same basic formula. That formula usually involved an overly excited spokesperson claiming their product can do wonderful and amazing things. “Don’t be fooled by cheap imitations.”

Billy Mays. Who is this guy? He is all over the place… I believe he started with Oxy Clean and Orange Glow. Little did I know he was the spokesperson for like 50% of all the commercials in existence. He had a commercial for “Mighty Putty”. evidently this is the nest thing since sliced bread. Its some nondescript gray putty in a green tube of some sort. When you knead the gray putty and green tube together, you “activate” the putty to become the most powerful expoxy in the universe. You can make it do anything… you can fill holes and dents in a wall, sand and paint; you can fill nicks and dings in wood furniture, sand and paint; you can make shape it to create a new handle for a broken mug (sand and paint, lol); its even water tight. It will create a water tight bond instantly. I am pretty sure you could build a bomb shelter out of this stuff if you had enough. And whats even better is they will TRIPLE you order for free! You better go order some right now!

Billy also marketed the Samurai Shark, a super knife sharpener. Its the reason sliced bread was so great… until Mighty Putty. It will sharpen any knife you have to a razor sharp edge. No more dull knives in you kitchen. Steak knives, pairing knives, serrated knives, ginsu knives, even that knife you use ob bread… all amazingly sharp. Butter does not stand a chance now. It will even work for scissors. Nothing better than scissors that can cut through bone. I wonder if it will make you knives sharp enough to cut through Might Putty…

Good ole Billy… he wants to make sure you are covered. In case you get tired of losing fingers using the wonderfully sharp knives thanks to you Samurai Shark, you can get the Vidallia Slice Wizard. It will magically slice anything you need sliced. no more uneven tomato slices. You can have perfect cucumber slices for your salad. I will slice anything… apples, oranges, bananas, ice, even Mighty Putty… maybe. And if that is not enough, you can change out the attachments for more ways to slice. You can instantly turn potatoes into french fries. McDonald’s, you days are numbered. But wait, there’s more… if you order not, they will include a caddy to neatly store all you magic slicing attachments. You may just have to order two of these wonderments of technology.

Ok, enough of Billy… I found something he didn’t sell. They are Kiniko Foot Pads. You have to visit the site and view the commercial. I will wait… Ok, yes, its gross. Evidently we are all trees or something. Either that or their customers need to wash their feet better. Looking at all the toxins we have in our body, its a wonder we are able to survive. It will even remove cellulite. That amazing… especially since cellulite is not a toxin, but the way skin appears as an effect of fat related to the structure of the skin or something like that. I am not in the medical profession, so look it up. Anyway, I am pretty sure cellulite can not be removed through your feet. My guess is that the foot pads can not do anything a wash cloth and soap can’t do. These people probably feel better because they are clean. But hey, if you still feel the need to try them, they will send you foot pads for life. Can’t argue with that.

Zero Smoke. Magic magnets that you put on your ear that will help you quit smoking, I think. They say you are supposed to continue smoking as usual. You wear these magnets for 2-4 hours a day, and they release chemicals in your brain that mimic the effects of smoking. You will gradually lose the urge to stop smoking because the magnets are your nicotine. Whatever.

I don’t have the energy to discuss the other commercials I saw… commercials for exercise programs, diet suppliments, they are overwhelming. Well if you have read this far, I guess you found my rant somewhat interesting… you must have a sad, sad life… lol. Just kidding… kinda.